G is for Growth

image credit: Dani Simmonds

When we love others from the inside out, we grow as human beings; we become deeper people. It's one way we can focus on what's most important in life. We can succumb to the more shallow instincts of our nature and to the prevailing influences of our culture, or we can choose to view others as full, nuanced people and treat them with the respect they inherently deserve; it's up to us. Is it always easy? Certainly not. But we can reap many rewards when we do, and personal growth is certainly one of them.

F is for Focus

Sometimes it takes focus to love people from the inside out. Sometimes it takes focus to remember to treat even some strangers we encounter with respect regardless of how they present themselves. For example, at the grocery store recently, as I was looking for a checkout lane, I saw one with only one customer in it. But I almost didn't go into that lane, because that one customer was a man who, frankly, looked disgusting. His hair was very greasy and stringy. His teeth were very yellow. He seemed to be a little slow. I was about to turn away in disgust, when the thought popped into my head, "This is a person God loves; maybe I can at least find a way to be civil?" I don't often think that way, but the thought came, I acted on it, and I'm glad I did. The man didn't speak to me or anything; I don't think he even looked at me. I'm just glad I remembered and acted on the notion that just because a person doesn't "present" well does not mean that I shouldn't even be around them.

When it comes to people we know, we might have to really work to remember the good things about some of them--or even to find the good things in the first place. I mean, we all know people who just rub us the wrong way, who really get on our nerves. The better part of valor is to look for the good in them, because no one is just "one thing." Everyone has traits that are more positive and some that are less so. But do we focus only on the negative ones and not give the person a chance to prove that they are more than just that one thing that annoys us? By the way, I'm totally "preaching to myself" here. This is not something I'm particularly good at. I tend toward black-and-white thinking. I need to find ways to look for the good in others--even when it's hard to find.

How have you focused on the good, and how has it changed your life?

E is for Equality

Equality is one of the foundations of American society. It's in the one of the most well-known parts of our Declaration of Independence: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." Of course, the founding fathers were focused on the political aspects of liberty when they wrote that, but think about this: can people really experience liberty fully or pursue happiness fully when they aren't being treated as equal in other areas? When strangers, peers, even so-called friends are treating them as "less than" because of some external characteristic—or for any reason really? If we truly believe all people are equal, it has to extend to all aspects of how we treat others...or we're just not being honest.

D is for Destiny

When we decide to love from the inside out, we expand our horizons. We open ourselves up to interacting with those we might not have otherwise. It can lead to our lives travelling down some pretty unexpected paths.

I certainly had no idea, back in 2003, the turn my life was about to take when I signed up for the Christian singles site where Ron (see "About This Blog," left) and I met. Sometimes I wonder whether I was "meant" to travel this road--or whether it was just something that happened. But--that touches on metaphysical questions none of us can really answer with certainty while we're still here, so I'll just leave it at that. I guess I mean "destiny" less in a "grand scheme of things" way and more in a "what your life ends up being about" way.
In any case, I've also wondered if I would do it all again even if I knew (at least, once I really started to care for Ron) what would come. And the answer is always Yes. Because, if I hadn't gone down this road, Ron might never have known the kind of love we shared. And of course, I might never have either. And I might never have come to the place of depth that my experience has taken me. (D is for depth, too!)

Do I wish all of this could have come without the pain? Of course! But, for better or worse, pain is the risk you take with love. And even with everything I've been through, I have to say, I think the risk is worth it.