Sexy From the Inside Out

source: zeldalily.com

NPR is doing a series called Living Large: Obesity in America. One of the recent stories talked about how the sex lives of some obese people suffer because of their obesity. As they point out near the beginning of the story, it's an aspect of obesity that's not often covered. But it's becoming more prevalent as obesity rates rise in this country. You can read or listen to the entire story here.

There are several things I appreciate about this story. First, the (unnamed) reporter made a point to say that there are plenty of obese people who have satisfying relationships, including sex lives. This story could so easily have been painted in broad brushstrokes; I'm very grateful it was not.

Also, I have to give props to Larry Boynton, one of the men featured in the story. When he and his wife, Dana Englehardt, first met, she was already heavy. (It was after they married that she gained 60 pounds and that their sexual problems began.) Anyway, speaking of when they first met, the reporter says, "Boynton says he didn't focus on Englehardt's size. 'Once I decided to put that out of my mind and allow the relationship to grow with the person I was falling in love with — her personality and how much fun we had together — it just really wasn't an issue,' Boynton says."  

How rare is that?!? My instincts say it's quite rare, but I'm curious: Is that more common than I think? Are there plenty of good men out there who'll look past an exterior that might not make it onto most magazine covers...and focus on the woman's personality and character? If you know of such men or if you are one, I'd really like to hear your experience (please comment below!).

And finally, Eric Leckbee, another man featured in the story, struggles to believe that his wife finds him attractive despite his weight (which can be as high as 300 pounds). He quotes his wife as saying to him, "I love you and I'm attracted to you regardless of your weight." Well, this one really resonates with me, as I was in love with a man much larger than 300 pounds, and I can tell you...the attraction was definitely there.

Now, should obese people work toward greater overall health? Yes, absolutely. (Though if they do, some may still be larger than the average person—size alone is not necessarily a definite indicator of health.) Will their sex lives improve if they do? Perhaps. But in the meantime...take it from one who knows: they can still bring—and with the right partner, receive—the sexy.

Melissa McCarthy Gets the Last Laugh

Almost a year ago, a blogger for Marie Claire magazine wrote a horrible post about fat people on television, prompted by the hit TV Show Mike and Molly. (Full disclosure: I have yet to see an episode of the show. I hear they make jokes at fat people's expense, so I'm not sure if I could handle it. You'd think with plus-sized people as the main characters...sigh.)

Here's the worst of the blog post, in case you missed it:

source: justjared.buzzfeed.com

I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other ... because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine [sic] addict slumping in a chair.

Now, don't go getting the wrong impression: I have a few friends who could be called plump. I'm not some size-ist jerk. And I also know how tough it can be for truly heavy people to psych themselves up for the long process of slimming down. (For instance, the overweight maintenance guy at my gym has talked to me a little bit about how it seems worthless for him to even try working out, because he's been heavy for as long as he can remember.)

But ... I think obesity is something that most people have a ton of control over. It's something they can change, if only they put their minds to it.

Wow, right?!? So much wrong there. I won't refute every point; the author does a pretty good job of making clear just how sizeist she actually is. I will say: I intend to write a future post about the control issue. Let's just say that while I'm not an expert, I have learned a few things, one of which is that it's much more complicated than many believe.

Anyway...I remember hearing about this when it happened, and I think I didn't write about it 'cause I just didn't want to get that angry...which would be even angrier than when I first heard about it!. So I'm happy to to be able to write this post!

This week Melissa McCarthy, star of Mike and Molly, won the Emmy for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy. So cool! Oh and at Amy Phoeler's suggestion, all the ladies nominated in the category did something special...it's worth a watch:

A Beautylish Blogger Conducts a Social Experiement: Plane Jane

Recently a Beautylish blogger conducted an experiment involving personal appearance and how she was treated while traveling. Check out the post here, and then let me know what you think. Do you think how casually or formally someone's dressed affects how you treat them? Should it?

"You Have to See That Thing!"

I'm struggling with how to write this post. See, the incident I'm writing about involves people who are dear friends. (For that and other reasons, I won't reveal their names or be very specific about the circumstances.)

The other day I was with friends, who I'll call V, S, and D. They were sharing stories about an event that at least V and S had attended; I'm not sure whether D was there or not. In any case I wasn't at this event. At first while they were talking I wasn't really paying attention to the stories, as I was busy doing other things, but a sudden exclamation caught my attention: V said, "You have to see the picture of that thing!" I had no idea what she was talking about, but being the curious cat that I am, I had to see. So I went over to S, whose cell phone contained the picture.

It was a picture...of a person. Not only that, it was of a person who, though a woman, instantly reminded me of Ron because of her size.

I walked away...and it wasn't long before I was in tears. I couldn't believe that people I knew and cared about (and who usually are very caring) had called a person "that thing." Even regardless of size, that was--and still is--unbelievable to me.

When she noticed I had tears in my eyes, V asked what was wrong. When I told her the picture reminded me of Ron and I found it upsetting they'd called a person "that thing" because of her size, she apologized, profusely...as did S and D. V did say, "That was wrong of us" but went on to 'explain' that "it was more about how she treated E [another friend of ours]." Apparently this woman had said rude things (possibly related to the E's ethnicity) and even thrown things at E. Granted, such behavior is inexcusable. But to call someone a thing?!? I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.

I said that I accepted the apologies and that "now I just want it to be over." (The three of them were basically staring at me at this point.) And--it was over. I dried my tears, we went about our day, and we haven't spoken of it since.

But I just have to wonder: If that woman had been thin or medium build, would they have said the same thing about her? Or would it have just been, "You wouldn't believe how this lady treated E..."?