The True Beauty of "True Beauty"

OK, so the cat's out of the bag--the season's over; Taylor won. The show? True Beauty, an ABC "reality" competition show where 10 beautiful people think they're in a beauty competition, the supposed prize being, this season, to be "the Face of Vegas."

Photo from True Beauty's Facebook page

Of course they think they're being judged mostly on their appearance...but in fact they're being watched through hidden cameras and judged on their inner beauty as well. Every week the contestants are given some kind of challenge (I know you're shocked), and while they're carrying it out, the judges are watching their behavior. Sometimes there's also a morally challenging situation set up (usually involving co-conspirators or actors) to see what the contestant will do. The contestant that does the most poorly in the challenge and whose character proves to be the worst each week is sent home.

One of the outrageous things about this season is that one of the judges was Beth Ostrosky Stern, as in Mrs. Howard. Um, seriously?!? Then there's the somewhat contrived nature of some of the situations the contestants are presented with. And, cheesiest of all, when a contestant is told they're going home, the last thing that you see is that person's portrait in the elimination room (which at one time was called "The Hall of Beauty") being taken off the wall by 2 "janitors," summarily dumped in their cart, and rolled away. At least we're not being over-dramatic or anything.

But of course, this show is about what's on the inside. And what's on the inside of this show is stated neatly by judge Vanessa Minnillo at the end of every episode: "Beauty is both inside and out, but true beauty comes from within." Tyra Banks, Ashton Kutcher, and the show's other producers are reminding America of that truth--and on television no less. Bravo!

Even the Beautiful People Need to Be Loved From the Inside Out

The other day at work I was having lunch with a bunch of people, and a couple of us got to talking about people who are extraordinarily attractive (as deemed by our culture). One guy told about a time when he was working in an office supply store, and this drop-dead-gorgeous woman walked in. Apparently she was so gorgeous that everyone in the store stopped what they were doing and just watched her. Even employees (some of whom called other coworkers and had them come onto the sales floor just so they could see this woman). Even the boss! My friend said that the boss, instead of doing any work, was himself watching and talking about her.

I started thinking about what her life must be like, if she's stared at everywhere she goes. How uncomfortable that must be! I even started to feel sorry for her. I know, it's hard to feel sorry for the beautiful people, right? But seriously, to be stared at all the time, to have people treat you like you're on some kind of pedestal, just because you're physically attractive? That would get tiresome for me--really fast. I know the times I've felt I was being appreciated solely for my looks (though I wouldn't say it happens all that often), it has really annoyed me--because all I can think is, "I am so much more than my looks!" Don't misunderstand me: I do like being considered attractive. It's just when I sense that it's the only level I'm being appreciated on that it grates on me.

I mentioned to my friend that I actually felt sorry for her. He said he believes the reason that sometimes, really gorgeous women go for guys who are basically losers is that those guys treat them mediocre at best--and since it's so different from how everyone else treats 'em, it feels like a good thing. That actually made a lot of sense to me! I had often wondered why you sometimes see really beautiful women (who, ostensibly, could have anyone they want) with just total loser guys. Perhaps this is an answer.

So: the question this time isn't: who are you overlooking? but: who are you fawning over, just because they're gorgeous? Maybe it's time to get to know them as people--and treat them as such.

I preach to myself, by the way.

'Drop Dead Diva' Ad Opposite Show's Message

So today I was in the car and had the radio tuned to a local pop station, when I heard a commercial for the TV show Drop Dead Diva. The voice-over announcer said something close to the following:

When you're a drop-dead model on your way to heaven, returning to earth in a size 16 body can be a big problem.

OK, I don't watch the show (something about the loved one coming back--in whatever form--hits a little to close to home; know what I mean?), but I'm thinking, "Isn't the show about accepting oneself regardless of size?" (Hmm...maybe I should watch after all.) Turns out, it is. From Lifetime TV's "About" page for the show:

In the first season of “Drop Dead Diva,” beautiful-but-vapid model wannabe Deb (Brooke D’Orsay) suddenly finds herself in front of heaven’s gatekeeper, Fred (Ben Feldman), following a fatal car crash. Outraged by her sudden demise, she attempts to persuade Fred to return her to her shallow existence but is accidentally relegated to the body of the recently deceased Jane Bingum (Brooke Elliott). An intelligent, thoughtful and plus-size attorney with a loyal assistant, Teri (Margaret Cho), Jane has always lived in the shadow of her colleagues, whereas Deb has always relied on her external beauty. By a twist of fate and a bolt of divine intervention, Deb must come to terms with inhabiting Jane’s curvier frame and learn to reconcile her beauty-queen ways with her brilliant new mind.

Lifetime, might I suggest you have your ad agency rewrite that commercial? I mean, it implies the very opposite of your show's message! It implies that being a size 16 (especially for a once "drop-dead model") is a "big problem." Now, for any individual size-16 woman, if her size indicates a health problem, that's one thing. But somehow, Lifetime, I don't think that's the kind of "problem" a reasonable person could assume the ad's implying. It also implies that someone who's a size 16 is by definition not "drop dead" gorgeous. (Lifetime, I'm sure you agree with me, but in case anyone doubts, I offer a little evidence to the contrary.)

By the way, how did this ad even make it through the approval process?

Seriously...you can do so much better.

Real Men Love From the Inside Out

So my friend Lauren recently posted a link to an essay she'd written for a class. It was about a dress she originally got at 13 for a formal dance. The dress is a  cheongsam, "an Asian-style dress with a mandarin collar and three frog clasps below the left shoulder." She describes how it fit her when she first got it (the "you" in the essay is her):

The shining column accentuated your statuesque frame. Its capped sleeves showed off your slender arms. It was ankle-length, but had a slit on the left side that went three inches above your knee...It covered your breasts completely. Your father couldn't find a reason to disapprove.

At 18, she brought the dress along when she went to meet for the first time in person her self-described Internet boyfriend (who is now her husband, Sam). I love this sentence: "If things went well, if he wasn't a creep or a liar, you'd wear this dress, and you'd wrap him around your finger."

And,

By now, the dress barely fit. Before, the dress was a stately sheath, and now, the way it hugged your pronounced curves was almost obscene. The slit threatened to ride up to your waist when you sat down in the restaurant.

That night, while they happened to be alone in an elevator, he rode his hand all the way up the slit while they held each other and kissed.

At 20, the dress didn't fit at all anymore, and she sold it "with great consternation." Sam asked if she remembered the night of the elevator ride, and she did. But--all reminiscing aside,

...slowly, mistrust and melancholy crept in...You told him you would probably never look like that again. You told him that he might be better off finding someone new. You believed, with every fiber of your Valley-forged soul, that men were primarily interested in one thing, and when you no longer had it, you could no longer wrap men around your little finger, and your relationships were doomed to fail. You were wrong. He said you were wrong, but you didn't believe it - not until you rebuilt the rest of your life and befriended men, real men, not snuffling canines. The chengosam is gone forever, but you don't really miss it. You have other dresses that you make look lovely, not the other way around. (emphases mine)

Did Sam enjoy the dress and Lauren in it? Clearly. But, good man that he is, his attraction did not stop there. Bravo, Sam...you're among my heroes.

And Lauren, I'm so glad too that you realize: It's you that makes the dress. True beauty really does shine from within!